Actually Flora and Merriweather. Fauna must have been on a break. They're the fairies that help Aurora, also known as Sleeping Beauty in the Disney movie. They have also started working in the lab at my doctor's office and did my most recent blood letting......errrr....blood draw for my lab work.
I have to say it was the most entertaining visit to a lab to get my blood drawn that I ever recall. I had to have a full work up so I knew they were going to take the full five cigar-size vials, and I wasn't looking forward to it. I don't handle blood tests well anymore. I fully admit that I'm quite wimpy. I can handle regular shots ok, but blood draws....nope. I get light-headed and my lips get numb and I feel like I'm going to faint. (How do I tell the difference from any other feeling like I'm going to faint? hehehe.... This is a sudden rush, it's different. Gotta trust me I guess.) Anyway, I was ready for the blood test, all 12-hour fasted and had an appointment set so I could hurry in on my break from work.
I got there and checked in. I had barely sat down and the door open and a woman in a bright red printed labbish/nursish coat popped open the door and called my name. She looked amazingly like the bossy fairy from Sleeping Beauty. I went over and followed her as she bustled down the hall to the lab.
We got to the door of the lab just as another woman started to enter the hall from the lab. She was a little bit shorted and plumper and dressed in a bright blue printed labbish/nursish coat, and was holding a really scary looking bag that had an ominously foul odor emanating from it. As she hurried past she said, "We need to get this out of here quickly!" The first lab tech grabbed a can and sprayed some orange freshener around the room. We were off to a grand start.
I sat down and the first lab tech in red (the print on her coat was little spring flowers) dropped the safety bar down so I wouldn't fall out (I felt like I was getting into a ride at Disneyland). The second tech scurried back into the room. The room was teeny, with the chair for people to sit in being pretty big - it has big padded arms on both sides so you can rest your arms down and they can easily stab you to get at the veins, plus the big padded safety bar that drops down which reminds me of a high school desk. There's also wide cabinets running across three of the walls leaving just enough room for the techs to stand, with maybe a 3'x3' square in the middle. The two techs began to kind of weave a coordinated dance in this tiny space as they got ready to work their blood draining magic.
The tech in red asked me if there was an arm that usually worked easier for me. I told her that no, there really isn't, but my veins do tend to hide. She grabbed my left arm and turned it over and started not-so-gently slapping the inside of my arm, I guess looking to see if one of my veins would slap her back. None did so she tried on the inside of my right arm. Those veins also just laid there and ignored her. She made a sound kind of like "Hrrrrrrm" and picked up my hand and started the slapping on the back of my left hand. She commented that my hands were cold. Yes, my hands were cold. I'm ALWAYS freezing anymore.
While she was doing this the tech in blue was arranging the five giant empty tubes in a tray next to me. The red tech said something to her about the special way she had of warming up people's hands when they were cold. She said, "Oh, I can do that!" She grabbed something and was off out of the room again.
All of a sudden it hit me....I was in the midst of the fairies. The scurrying and bustling, the bright colors and flitting about. When the blue fairy came back, the green one would come bobbing in behind her.
Flora (the red fairy) started to rub my hands in hers. She was making small talk - I have no clue what she was talking about, but it was kind, grandmotherly talk. I think it was something about cold hands...that would make sense. Merriweather came back into the room (no Fauna, drat!) with her solution to warm up too-cold hands. I did laugh - I had to. Her solution? An extra-large surgical glove filled with hot water. She flopped it onto the back of my hand and the fingers wibbled about and the thumb bounced off my knuckles.
After a couple of minutes Flora pulled the glove off and did a touch-test on the back of my hand, like you'd check the top of a cake to see if it was done. She deemed me ok to take out of the oven and grabbed needle number one. I looked at the floor. I felt the needle go in and it twinged, but not too bad. Then Flora kind of jiggled it a bit (ouch) and said, "Don't dry up on me now...." and moved the tube a bit. (OUCH).
Merriweather said "Oh I hate when that happens."
Flora, "Well we're going to have to use the other hand. It's just decided to close right up." and she pulled the needle out. (ouchouchouch)
hematoma starting. Hand me another cotton ball, dear." Merriweather fluttered a bit and handed over a clean cotton ball and some tape. I looked over and there was a bubble on the back of my hand, about two inches long and and inch and a half across, and about an inch high (I so wish I was exaggerating). Flora put the cotton ball on it and pressed down firmly (surprisingly it didn't hurt, but then...I had a little bit of ringing going on in my ears just about then.....) and taped it down tight. She was talking, I think Merriweather was too, and explaining that sometimes the blood flow will stop when the needle draw is attached, but when it's taken off the blood starts flowing again under the skin. Yeah yeah whatever.....I know it didn't happen on purpose.
Between the two of them they looked at the vial that had the wee bit of blood in it and decided that it had enough for one of the tests and set it aside. Then the whole thing started over on the back of my other hand. It was cold as ice too, but the water-filled glove had cooled off so Merriweather bustled off to refill it. Flora got me hooked up with needle number two and the drainage started, and damned if 30 seconds in it didn't stop again.
This time not only were my ears ringing, but my lips went numb and my vision started to black out. I thought all kinds of unladylike thoughts. With everything that's gone on, with the constant dizziness and the odds of my fainting everyday, I was going to drop from a blood test? I hate being wimpy. It really makes me angry.....
I really couldn't put my head between my knees or down low so I kind of just leaned over and asked if I could get some water. Flora and Merriweather were busy scurrying about. Right hand had blossomed into a beautiful hematoma equal in size to left hand - one of them was squashing it into submission and the other was staring at the nearly empty tube of blood with disgust (It was finally deemed worthy of one small test too). When I asked for the water they went into high-flurry mode worthy of Disney Oscar mode. I can see why those fairies starred in several different movies. (They did....check out some of those older movies....same 'toons, just different costumes.)
Merriweather scoured the counters, cabinets and drawers and discovered that the room hand no cups or bottles of water. She disappeared out of the room to find me some water. Flora looked at me with a more practiced eye and figured that I was too angry with myself and probably wouldn't faint, and since Merriweather was on the water search, had flipped my left arm over to resume her quest for a usable vein.
Merriweather brought back a glass of water and while I drank it she ran off to get ANOTHER glove full of hot water. This glove sat on the inside of my arm for a couple of minutes. The fairies looked at each other and with true fairy silent communication decided to use a butterfly needle for the last and final try. I gave up all pretense of staring at the floor and just closed my eyes while Flora hooked me up for the last drainage attempt. She actually found the vein on the first attempt, so I told her as she picked up the first vial, "If I faint and the blood is flowing, keep going until you get all the blood you need THEN wake me up, because I don't want to have to come back in!"
The final go worked and they got the last three vials, which were the ones that had to be full. The bubbles on the back of my hands made matching bruises that ended up being about the size of silver dollars, amazing bright really pretty colors. They're still there, over a week later. (They are pretty, bruises, if stop thinking about what they are.) The fairies were happy and fun, flitting and bustling about. The wibbly hot water glove is an awesome invention - I bet the kids love it when they use it. I hope I never have to meet the fairies again. And I kind of wonder where Fauna has been hanging out......
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