I can sit and listen to this song with my eyes closed and meditate, relax and let my mind go.......it helps me to release and float out of my body. Isn't that what we want? What we're all striving for? To be released from the physical and live in the spirit. And not come back and do it all over again.
Some friends and I used to work really hard to say at least one kind thing every time we said anything negative, whether the negative was about a person or a situation. Kind of a "new-age" airy-fairy pink bubble way of staying positive. When I taught kindergarten at parent-teacher conferences and on report cards I always made sure to focus on good things about the kids. Start and end with something GOOD. Especially with kids....every kid has something good about them. With my friends, we had a common friend who was kind of an Eeyore at heart, who was going through some rough times. It was REALLY hard to find positive things to say about her, but really easy to see the negatives. She loved her cats.. She really did. But man.....that seemed insincere. There had to be something else. Hmmm...what else? There HAD to be something. What we ended up with. Seriously..... she was here, on the earth, to show other people how not to live their life, how being negative and sad and depressed all the time would cycle you into a sucking black pit of negativity. She LOVED her cats.
Every situation has something good in it. Sometimes you have to dig really deep to find it.
As I'm typing this, I'm having a migraine start and it's like a curtain is dropping from the ceiling on my vision. Peripheral and the rest is fine, just across the top is like a gray curtain and the migraine pain is setting in, moving down the back and into my neck which is something newish with them. Just adding it in because I'm supposed to start tracking my symptoms and I'm not in that blog page. I digress....
So... I'm finding that while the people I'd expected to be here aren't (and to be honest, I'm still hoping that they'll pop out of the woodwork even though I know, deep inside they most likely won't) I do have friends that are supporting me. Is it a traditional support network? Heck no! *LOL* I have a bunch of pixelated pirates who show that they care about me more than family right now. I get text messages and skype messages....posts on facebook daily. Thank GOD for skype talk and Team Speak.
For those of you don't use the programs, skype is a program, free, where you can talk to people through your computer online. You can also send chat messages on it. I talk to my friends pretty much daily with it. Friends in Alaska, New Zealand, all over Canada, more states than I can list, the UK....it's fantastic. Team Speak is similar. We use Team Speak a lot when several of us want to talk to each other at the same time. Kind of like getting together over coffee to talk, only we're all sitting on our couches in our living room. Some of us (ahem....Ryston) eating ice cream.
I fully admit that I'm hurt and saddened that my family has, I feel, abandoned me. A short side story. My sister Mary was sick for several years before she passed away. She was diagnosed with severe chronic fatigue syndrome (hmmm....) and chronic Epstein-Barr syndrome. She was a hard worker and traveled for her company, all over the globe. Her illness knocked her off her feet. She was sick as a dog, spending days and weeks at a time in bed or on the couch. She called me one day, and when I answered the phone and she started talking, I didn't know who she was. She was crying so hard I didn't recognize her voice at first. She kept saying over and over, "I'm so sick, Bethy, I'm so sick, and no one is calling me. I'm all alone." She lived out in Colorado with her husband. I talked to her a bit, and she calmed down some. I was calling her, but why wasn't anyone else? I had assumed that they were.....why didn't I ask them then? Before I got sick I'd hear from my dad & step-mom about every three weeks. Since I've become sick in June I've heard from them once. I don't know. Maybe they just don't know what to do? I don't expect a motorhome parked in the driveway. (My sister passed away about a year later. She actually had undiagnosed Hepatitis C. I miss her every single day.)
Back to what I was saying..... I'm working on not expecting to get what I really want. Because I have so much more. I have a pixelated pirate family, yes it sounds odd but they've been around for awhile, the core group. Several have been good friends for years. We've celebrated holidays and birthdays together, on our pixelated pirate ships. I know groups like this wax and wane and won't last forever but I have some good solid friends. Heck, Whoaders, who's living on a student loan budget, sent me the best care package complete with chocolate, toys and soft fuzzy socks. My first care package ever! Ryston was sending messages to me daily checking in while her own son was in PICU after open heart surgery. So yes, I really do know that I have people who care about me. And I'm incredibly grateful for it.
I'd really like a pony though.....
Maybe not. You can't bring ponies with you when you leave you're body behind. I don't plan on doing that for a long long long time. But when I do, I don't want to have to come back.
I'd really like a pony though.....